


Nightmarish Torment

by KeybladeNinja, LadyBlackwings



Category: BnHA, mha, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Angst, Commissioned Work, Death, Deaths, Drama, F/M, Flashback, Minor Character Death, Night Terrors, Nightmare, Torment, commission, torment all might
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 22:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeybladeNinja/pseuds/KeybladeNinja, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBlackwings/pseuds/LadyBlackwings
Summary: Sleep eludes All Might as memories turn into nightmares and plant doubt in even the brightest moments. Can Toshinori find rest again when even his dreams become a fight?





	Nightmarish Torment

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first commissioned writing work. I commissioned KeybladeNinja (on here) to do a fic for me, mostly about Toshinori but including the relationship with my oc, Iron Maiden aka Grizel Siller. KeybladeNinja did a wonderful job and was very pleasant to work with! If you like it head over to their page and check 'em out!

Toshinori had been used to nightmares once.

After watching his mentor, the woman he’d thought of and loved like a mother get killed by All for One, he had plenty of experience with them. There was a constant anxiety that All for One was right on his heels; paranoia haunted him until he could no longer sleep peacefully, and anxiety seeped into most of his waking moments making him jittery and shaky…

However, he got strong and relied on Gran Torino for help, eventually letting the nightmares fade away on their own over time. At least, until he fought All for One a second time, almost losing his own life like some sick, twisted repeat of his past with him in his mentor’s place. 

It wasn’t just the fight that he had nightmares about, they were also about Grizel. What if All for One found him and she was there? What if All for One had spies throughout the city and he knew Toshinori cared about his fellow hero? What if she was attacked and he couldn’t protect her anymore? A much more possible and terrifying reality was the chance that he couldn’t protect her from something that Toshinori had brought upon her, something that would be his fault if she got hurt in any way. How could he protect her?

What if he wasn’t strong enough?

What if he lost her completely?  
===========================================  
“Toshinori!”

No matter how hard or how fast he pushed his muscles, Toshinori could not find her! Each moment that passed made his heart beat faster, thoughts run away with wild ideas, his breaths nearly punching their way from his lungs already.

Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? He thought on a loop, each new repeat tinged with more worry and desperation.

The buildings around him continuously changed, leaving him no way to grasp ahold of his location and the direction of the screaming. Sometimes there were seemingly endless hallways, only for him to find a door that lead to more doors or lead back outside. It only made sense in a dream-like sense, even though Toshinori had a part of him that knew this wasn’t exactly normal.

“Toshinori!”

Unspeakably panicked and newly furious, Toshinori decided to punch his way through the wall. What should have been a new area became the destruction and horror of the last place he saw Nana alive. Toshinori’s eyes narrowed as he looked around wildly, finally seeing All for One standing there across the destruction, holding his mentor up by her hair above the ground effortlessly in his strength. She was struggling, but nothing she did helped her.

“Toshinori!” she screamed again, trying to reach up and pry All for One’s hand from her hair as she was held up off the ground.

Toshinori tried taking a step forward despite the trembling in his limbs and fear in his heart. He had to help! He couldn’t just watch her die! Not again!

Terror gripped him though; he knew there was nothing he could do to stop what was  
happening. He wasn’t strong enough.

His mentor screamed again as All for One shook her violently, almost teasingly in front of Toshinori and Gran Torino next to him. White hot anger seethed in his veins, and he could feel One for All’s power swell within his body. But a hand shot out and stopped him after only a couple steps forward.

“Toshinori, we have to go! There’s nothing you can do!” Gran Torino shouted, pulling him backwards with a strength the man shouldn’t have. Toshinori stumbled backwards a couple steps, confused by his other teacher’s odd strength and willingness to abandon someone in need, abandon his friend to that monster.

“But she-!”

“She’s already gone, Toshinori!”

In the destruction around them, All for One’s deep chuckle seemed to echo from every  
direction all at once. “But she is not…”

His heart thudded painfully in his chest as he pulled against Gran Torino’s odd strength. No no no!

“Toshinori!” Grizel cried, body jerking in pain as she, too, was held up by her head, her long hair trailing against the ground.

“Aren’t you going to save her, Hero? Doesn’t All Might save everyone?” All for One taunted as he squeezed his hand tighter. “A little more solid, this one… Too bad.” There was little time for Toshinori to scream and reach his arm out desperately before All for One began squeezing with considerably more strength.

Move dammit! Move! He begged his body, even though it felt like he was moving through water. “Please!” he begged, trying his hardest to break away from Gran Torino. Tears began dripping down Grizel’s face, mouth open as she screamed, begged for Toshinori to help her.

“You couldn’t save your mentor, All Might. And now you can’t save her!” the bastard shouted, finally squeezing his hand far too hard for anyone to survive. Toshinori watched in horror as Grizel’s previous jerky movements became a solid dead weight being pulled down by gravity. Her limbs fell lifelessly, like some sort of horrific doll suspended in his grip. 

All for One huffed, blood dripping down his hand before he threw Grizel’s body away like nothing, her body sliding through the destruction and rubble around them. “You can’t save anyone,” he continued, mouth twisting into a grin. “You couldn’t save your mentor; You can’t save your love; And you can’t save THEM!” As he finished, a giant explosion rang out from the area around them, a bright light and shock wave tearing through everything and anything it came in contact with.

“Toshinori!”

People were screaming, but he – he couldn’t - move!

“Toshinori!”

He was supposed to save everyone! Become the Symbol of Peace that people put their faith in!

“Toshinori!”

He had failed.

Everything for nothing.

Suddenly, he was being jerked upright, hands that were not his working their way around his torso with efficiency and purpose. He could hear someone’s voice but couldn’t make out what they were trying to say. His eyes searched the room quickly, automatically seeking out any form of exit. One for All pulsed through his veins, ready to fight whatever threat Toshinori would come against.

“Be still, Toshinori!” a voice snapped, finally pulling him from his nightmare and the death and destruction around him. He was back at the hospital. Recovery Girl was pushing him back down before he could respond, muttering to herself. “You about hurt yourself in your sleep again,” she scolded. Toshinori tried not to take it too much to heart, knowing her anger came from worry and care for him.

It was good she woke him when she did. He could already feel his wound twinge painfully from being pulled in his sleep. Taking deep breaths, he tried to calm his breathing with some effort, the image of Grizel’s body dangling from All for One’s hands still in his mind. The sight made his stomach turn sour, turning the dread into nausea, nearly burning up into his throat.

Grizel wasn’t there, was not with Toshinori, so why was he still having these damn nightmares almost every night about her getting hurt?! It wasn’t like All for One would target her specifically… right? Theoretically, keeping her away from Toshinori would work. If she wasn’t seen as important to All Might, she couldn’t be used against him. Then again, Toshinori couldn’t claim to know what went on in that madman’s head. Plus, no matter what, Grizel would always be in some form of danger, it went with the whole hero gig.

Toshinori still wanted her as far away from All for One as possible. No matter how small the chance may be. No matter how much he ached to have her back with him.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Recovery Girl mentioned, checking his vitals. Thankfully, his check-ups had been good, but sometimes doing too much hero work pushed his depreciated body to the limit. But how could he not still give it his all, even if his all was not what it was before? He was finally an effective Symbol of Peace, a proper beacon of hope in the world. He couldn’t just stop. Personal issues had no room in the line of hero work, so his fatigue and exhaustion were ignored more often than not until it was too late.

“You’re also not eating as frequently as you should either,” Recovery Girl tsked at him. 

“Don’t be an idiot, Toshinori. With your injury, you should know your limitations by now. What good will you do dead?”

“Sorry…” he exhaled, properly reprimanded, running a hand through his crazy hair. He only half meant it though. He hated causing trouble for Chiyo for sure, but if he slowed down – if he stopped then the anxiety would creep back in again, stealing the air from his lungs. If he slowed down, he had time to think; If he had to think then his mind wandered back to Grizel and how much he’d give to see her again. To hold her again; Or have her hold him. He wasn’t picky. 

“If you were really sorry then you wouldn’t run yourself ragged,” Recovery Girl sniffed, pushing some food and medicine his way on a tray. “I know things have been tough, but don’t forget there’s people who’d like you around for a bit longer.”

Ducking his head, Toshinori nodded his head in thanks. Guilt begun to mix in with the anxiety, causing his stomach to cramp uncomfortably. He had one job; Be the best so no one would have to worry when he was around.

Apparently, he couldn’t even do that.

“You can’t save anyone.”  
==========================================  
“Do I even have to say anything?” Recovery Girl sighed at him.

Toshinori was laying on the bed in U.A.’s nurse’s office waiting for the principal. However, before he had gotten to the school, there had been a catastrophe on the coast that he may have over-pushed himself with. He did not even have the energy to pretend to be apologetic. There was nothing he could do about it now.

Some natural disaster had hit one of the coasts viciously, requiring all available heroes to help. Since Grizel was still mostly down, Toshinori had been trying to pick up some of the extra hero work while she recovered from her injuries completely. Mentally, he patted himself on the back. He could get somewhere, save people, and then leave as quickly and politely as possible in very little time. 

All Might had raced to the frontlines of the ravaged area just in time to save some family who had been trapped underneath rubble and debris as water had begun to fill the area. They cried and thanked him profusely as he saved them, leaving him with a sense of euphoria again. Like he had a purpose and wasn’t weighed down by any problems or tribulations. Like he was still himself before his accident. However, the way things usually go, there were always more people to be saved. People who Toshinori was almost too late to save without digging deep and pushing himself further. 

But thanks to him pushing himself Plus Ultra, a little kid had lived. Even though Toshinori was almost too late. Had he been even a split second later, the kid would’ve died. He could not have that on his conscience.

“You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping well either,” Recovery Girl interrupted his thoughts.

A sigh was his only response. How could he tell her that he was having nightmares again? That the great All Might was being kept awake and worn down by nightmares? He felt weak even thinking it; He was not supposed to be weak!

“Fine, you stubborn man,” Recovery Girl gave up. “I’ll find Principal Nezu for you while you rest.” Then she glared at him, “Do. Not. Move!”

Toshinori forced a wane smile at her, hopefully placating her ire for a while longer. He knew better than to push her too far, especially since she saved his life multiple times. The old woman was like another family member to him, pretty much all he had besides the old man, Sorahiko. He didn’t want to lose her too, especially by just being himself.

“Ah, Toshinori!” Nezu greeted a few minutes later, walking through the door with a paw raised in the air. “It’s always good to see you! I hope you’re well.”

“As well as I can be.” The principal hopped up onto a nearby chair next to the bed. “I know you’ve been busy, but have you thought about my offer?”

“I- I have…”

Nezu gave him a small smile, seemingly understanding what Toshinori was going to say. He always seemed to know somehow. “You are not going to take a successor from here.”

Toshinori sighed, the weight of everything seeming to pile on top of him. “I’m not outright refusing, but… maybe a raincheck?” There was no way he could tackle taking on finding and choosing a successor right now. He could still use his powers freely for three hours a day. He still had that time. The world just wasn’t ready to not have an All Might around saving the day. Granted, they probably never would be: A lot of people depended on him. Besides, finding someone that was worthy of the quirk was difficult to begin with, and then trusting them with all its secrets. He had hoped to have a child one day to pass it onto, but there were some complications and-

His fingers dug into the blanket over his lap, and he bit his cheek to keep his eyes from tearing up. If he started to think about Grizel and their baby that hadn’t even had a chance, then the fragile, frayed threads that he held himself together with would snap.

All of that added onto him not actually knowing if All for One was dead or not. It wouldn’t be the first time the bastard had gotten away. There was no way to tell what kind of quirks the man had, or how many, but Toshinori had a sinking suspicion that he wasn’t completely debilitated. They had both disappeared from that fight injured and unknown to almost everyone, but they had both gotten away. The police had not found another body. 

No, Toshinori couldn’t put that pressure onto a child just yet. He always knew that he’d most likely have to pass the quirk onto someone else, but now was not a good time for that. There was too much riding on him, too many lives, too many fates…

Nezu seemed to sense Toshinori’s inner turmoil and continued. “I understand, Toshinori, but do keep my offer open as an option. There are good candidates each year, and there are some up and coming students that seem promising.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Toshinori agreed, despite knowing he probably wouldn’t worry about a successor for some time.

Suddenly, Nezu clapped his paws together. “Oh, Toshinori! You’ve got to try this new tea I’ve got in today! It’s wonderful!” Toshinori laughed as the principal distracted him with his opinions and lectures on the current hero climate. It was a long couple of hours, but it gave Toshinori something else to focus on besides his problems for a while.

 

Toshinori had been lying in bed for hours, fighting the urge to succumb to sleep. His  
procrastination had led to tossing and turning, thinking about the future and what that could entail, and Grizel. He rolled over again to look at her as she slept. Her features looked soft, relaxed while she dreamt. Occasionally, a small smile would appear to pull at her lips only to relax again a few moments later.

She was mostly healed now, thankfully, but she still had just a little way to go. Toshinori tried to help her with anything she needed or wanted. Everything was going alright, he thought. She was alive anyway, and they could go from there.

A yawn forced its way through Toshinori, causing his already heavy eyes to water as he fought to keep them open. The fight didn’t last very long.

All Might was flying through the air, feeling higher than he ever remembered feeling. He didn’t feel any strain in his body, no time limit lingering like shadows that would catch up with him no matter what he did or how far he ran. However, he felt good. Great, even!

People surrounded him, thanked him, fawned over him like he was the most incredible thing to happen to them. A part of him loved the attention, maybe even craved it a little. It was always nice to be needed and respected. All his hard work and training wasn’t in vain. It was relieving to know that his mentor had been right when she had chosen him to carry on One for All. 

He jumped around while laughing, rescuing people from burning buildings, saved hostages, and even did some basic civil service. Everything ran smoothly; the streets were clean, and people seemed happy. Usually he stood alone, smiling and laughing to the people around him. Until flashes of silver started to make their way into his peripheral every once in a while, to distract him.

There it is again!

Toshinori stopped doing whatever it was that he was doing. It was unimportant now; he had to find out what it was! Like a moth to a flame he followed those flashes of silver that were getting clearer and clearer every time he almost caught them. After two more close calls, Toshinori finally discovered it was someone he was chasing after, not something. 

Grizel, his mind produced for him. Who else would shine so brilliantly and keep him on his toes?

Who else could intrigue him like she did so effortlessly all the time?

Gotcha! All Might finally caught up to her and scooped her up into his arms, swinging in circles with her snug up against him. Her scent always calmed him down, always made him feel at home. Plus, she just seemed to be perfect to snuggle against despite their size difference. An ease he hadn’t felt in a while settled in his chest, leaving a warmth that had nothing to do with his quirk flowing through him. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time. 

Too bad when he opened his eyes everything had changed. Policemen and news casters with cameras surrounded the area, every eye pointed towards the silver hero standing before them. She was breathing heavily, face cast downward, hair coiling dangerously. Something was wrong, but he was too late realizing what it was until Grizel shot forward towards him. He had thought she was going to him to escape the villains that had taken her, but that wasn’t the case. Her hair whipped outwards, hitting All Might backwards a bit before writhing around again for another attack. 

After several clashes, he watched her stop momentarily, a clarity coming over her face before she shot away like a silver streak in the night again. When he had found her, she was standing in the middle of a crumbling building. Dust and rubble flew everywhere getting into Toshinori’s eyes.

“Grizel!” he shouted, reaching out for her while dodging large pieces of debris. It took a  
moment before she finally turned around to look at him, face wide with a smile. Dread gripped his heart like a vice. He knew that look. It was one he had perfected long ago. For a split second, she had reminded him of Nana, smiling despite knowing she was going to die. 

She had smiled to say goodbye.

Throwing the covers away, Toshinori sat up quickly, chest heaving as he eyed the room to get his bearings. Just a dream, just a dream. With a deep sigh, he plopped backwards onto his pillows.

Maybe he should find someone to talk to about these nightmares. They always seemed to  
creep back to him. He couldn’t go on like this for much longer. He was losing unhealthy  
amounts of sleep, and he dreaded having to see Chiyo again any time soon. She’d surely yell at him again for not taking care of himself. Subconsciously, his hand reached out towards Grizel. Feeling her next to him always did wonders for calming him down.

She rolled over a bit and he took his chance to grab her hand to hold. Her steady breathing and warmth were some of the smallest things in the world that he was grateful for. Memories of her hooked up to several machines made him squeeze her hand slightly. He never wanted to see her like that again, no matter what he had to do.

He would not let her down again.

==============================================  
“Are you alright?” Grizel asked, looking at him closely. “You seem a little off today.”

Of course he was off. Grizel had decided to go back to hero work recently, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He was proud, first of all. It showed a true inner strength to get back out there into the hero work after a traumatic experience. He’d known a few heroes that had put up their capes so to speak after something happened to them. Secondly, he was terrified. Recent events showed him that he wasn’t always able to save everyone, especially those closest to him. With his limited time, how could he come to the rescue when the people he cared about were in danger? Third, the lack of sleep had his worry for Grizel transform into paranoia of her getting hurt again. His tired brain watched every alleyway and every person that walked by.

“I’m alright! Really,” he waved off her concerns. “I just didn’t sleep well.” He knew she could take care of herself, truly. She was one of the best, enough to keep up with him which was a feat in and of itself. But they had both been hurt before, almost fatally, so he couldn’t help but think his luck was such that it would probably happen again. She hummed but he knew that she wasn’t stupid; she knew something was up.

A little later, Grizel went out on her own to run some errands while Toshinori stayed at home to rest. His home was impeccably tidy, each surface nearly sparkling even in the dim light. The large rooms felt even more empty without Grizel, leaving them feeling cold and depressing.

An hour or so goes by before Toshinori can start to feel his eyes getting heavier and harder to keep open. Don’t fall asleep! he told himself, trying to stand upright even though his body and mind craved to fall over to sleep. He just couldn’t do another nightmare that day. Maybe if he just exhausted himself, his brain would be too tired to produce any dreams.

“Toshinori, I’m back,” Grizel announced from across the room.

Startled, he jerked upright unaware he had made it to the couch and slumped over. I’m losing it, he thought while rubbing his eyes.

“You look… well, you look terrible! You need to sleep Yagi!” Grizel put her hands on her hips in front of him by the couch. “I knew you haven’t been sleeping well, why is that?” Toshinori just grunted in response. He should’ve known that kind of response wouldn’t be acceptable for her. “I’m picking you up and you’re going to sleep in the bed until tomorrow morning.” Her tone left no room for argument, and honestly, Toshinori was too tired to try.

Grizel smiled at him before picking him up effortlessly and carrying him over to the bedroom. “What’s keeping you from sleeping anyway?” she asked aloud as she sat him on the bed and pulled the covers back.

“Just…nightmares,” he mumbled, eyes closed as Grizel moved him wherever she wanted him. He might as well have been a doll she could make do anything she wanted. He felt her freeze for a second before sighing.

“I still get them, too,” she admitted quietly, pressing him backwards into the bed and pillows. “But you still need to try and rest.”

As she straightened up, Toshinori grabbed her hand again. “Stay with me?” he mumbled,  
almost asleep. His eyes were closed so he missed the small, loving smile on Grizel’s face as she complied with his request. The second before she grabbed the blankets, Toshinori rolled over to her and snuggled up to her side. “Can we do Iron Wrap? Please?”

How could she say no to such a simple request?

She got him comfortable laying on top of her, nestled under her chin before her hair began to wrap around them snuggly. “Goodnight, Toshinori. Sweet dreams.”

“Good…night…” he trailed off quietly, falling asleep almost instantly. It was the first night in a long time that Toshinori didn’t fight falling asleep. And it was the first night in a long time that he slept peacefully through the night.


End file.
